TOD HAVE MASSIVE SULKING FIT AT BREAKSTUFF

Trail of Dead are reportedly "disgusted" that Breakstuff didn't bother to report their latest antics, something involving broken stuff, hotels, police and meat cutlets. Having flown all the the way to Germany purely to make themselves look cool and fuel the rumourmonger in a bid to remind neglected UK fans that they still exist, TOD were left fuming as top UK fansite Breakstuff completely ignored the events. The band immediately flew home to hold urgent talks with Interscope about what had gone wrong except for Conrad who went to Paris to rest his nerves. Breakstuff's official response stated that the incidents in Germany were "pretty run of the mill and not really worthy of our genius. Plus, all the news reports were in some foreign language". Conrad then threw a big sulk which consisted of withholding Friendster testimonials and flying home as soon as he heard Breakstuff would be arriving in a completely different part of France. This one's gonna run and run! (not really)

READING NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR TRAIL OF DEAD

There was UPROAR on the TODlist as unsubstantiated rumours flew about that Trail of Dead were playing Reading for the six millionth year running. Eager to make ourselves look clever and important find out the truth we collared Conrad who told us "we're not. it's a bloody, filthy, evil lie! we will be back soon, and it won't be for no stinking festival either. we will be back to conquer your land, with blood and sword and shield!". So, that's that cleared up then.

OH AYE, SOME NEW RECORD

As always, Breakstuff is right on the scent of breaking news and can tell you that there will be a new Trail of Dead EP coming out four weeks ago called 'The Secret of Elena's Tomb'. Being a US only release it doesn't feature any hilarious free posters, just lots of brand new songs. Boring! Oh, except it's rather good. Particularly the lovely aching Crowning of A Heart and the stupid fun Intelligence. Pitchfork don't like it though. Zzzzz.

THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE PART 724

With the news that freaky-eyed little hobbit boy Elijah Wood likes Trail of Dead can someone arrange a meeting between him and freaky-eyed little hobbit boy Conrad Keely. And send us the photos. Extra points if Jason is leering scarily in the background.

STUPID JASON REECE (SLIGHT RETURN)

Please go read this interview with Jason for The Daily Pennsylvanian and feel the Durst love. "We're going to eat your face"!

TOD LAY DOWN TUNES IN NASHVILLE

Trail of Dead were recently ensconced in Nashville where they recorded some tracks for a new EP which should be out soon. Supposedly entitled The Secret of Elena's Tomb it will feature four songs: Mach Schau, All Saints Day, Crowning of a Heart and Counting Off the Days. In the meantime, we've been pressing Print Screen a lot and have a nice page of stills from the Relative Ways video for those of you who can't watch streaming video. The video was conceived and made largely by Trail of Dead and longtime collaborator James Olsen. There's also an interview with said James Olsen on diskant. He chats with longtime TOD friend Wil Forbis about the Source Tags artwork, comic books and other stuff of vast amusement.

TRAIL OF DEAD RETURN FROM OTHER SIDE OF WORLD INTACT

Trail of Dead are now home from their exciting Australian adventures and are engaging in slothful activities in honour of actually being in their own homes for more than one day at a time. By all accounts the Australian stuff went well. We've got some photos for you to look at and there's interviews at Acid Logic and Redbackrock for you to read. Thanks to Semone for all that.

INTERSCOPE TREATING TOD FANS LIKE CONSUMERS SHOCKER

Multinational capitalist corporation Interscope again showed its unique understanding of the world of Trail of Dead by hijacking the Trail of Dead newsletter and website to offer fans the chance of winning a stereo or some cds if they'd just come on over to the Interscope website and tell them why you bought your last pair of shoes and what your favourite fast food is. Stuff that they understandably need in the process of selling music. Break Stuff looks forward hopefully to TOD's next tour being sponsored by I Don't Eat Fast Food. Hey, I would eat there if they existed.

In addition to this, the band would like to say that this promotion was done without their knowledge or consent and that they're, a hem, slightly unhappy about it.

RELATIVE WAYS RELEASED AGAIN..ZZZZZZ...

Yawn. I don't even like Relative Ways that much and I now I have to buy another bunch of records with it on. But, hey, it's a catchy tune so let's hope it reels in some new fans. I haven't bought it yet 'cos I've been away in the South of France but I hear the 7" is a picture disc (!!) and that one of the tracks is remixed by A Roman Scandal. Nice. I must say as well how completely impressed I am with Interscope's marvellous marketing of UK releases and live shows. That whole not mentioning them at all on the website plan is just genius.

BREAKSTUFF BREAK FIENDISH CODE TO SEE TRAIL OF DEAD

Worried that the Scottish TOD massive might be getting a bit braindead in our old age, Trail of Dead set up a fiendish coded guestlist for the Gig on the Green festival so we'd have to really exert our brains to get in. We eventually broke the code with two phone calls and £10 and were rewarded with entry and a lovely summer's day baking in Hospitality. There we found Conrad doing his own brain workout, happily swotting on some French literature, having spent the afternoon poncing round art galleries. Jason, on the other hand, spent the day eating burgers, getting very over-excited by The Streets and unmasking Slipknot. Trail of Dead played a damn good set though with small children rushing down the front wearing oversized TOD t-shirts and punching the air with barely contained rock excitement. Jason jumped about in the crowd so much that a security guard grabbed him by the belt and was dragged around like a man with an overenthusiastic bulldog. They played songs, good songs, and then liberated a huge amount of Red Bull, throwing cans and cans and cans into the audience before more security people came on to slap them. Good day's work, that. We also hear that a certain member of TOD went on the slightly scary Bomber fairground ride and screamed like a girl throughout. Can you guess who?

Breakstuff operatives were also in attendance at the Leeds festival. Reports may be forthcoming. Hold your breath until they are.

None of us were at Reading but Conrad emailed us these nice photos for you to look at.

TEXAS Vs SCOTLAND IN AUSTRALIA

Not content with pitching up on opposite sides of London today supporting old men [The Sex Pistols and The Cure], old drinking comrades Trail of Dead and Mogwai have signed themselves up for a pub crawl round Australia. Apparently they call it the Livid Festival and it takes place in October [Brisbane - 12th October, Melbourne - 19th October, Sydney - 20th October]. Breakstuff wonders how many members of each band will return alive.

FACTS FACTS FACTS [AND LIES]

Certain information has come the way of the Breakstuff HQ press department so we offer to you a series of facts and lies

- Trail of Dead will be gracing Glasgow Gig On The Green with their presence on Saturday 24th August having been invited to smash champagne bottles in Breakstuff HQ's opening ceremony
- Relative Ways will be the next UK release no doubt coinciding with their whirlwind coach trip round the UK festival circuit
- Trail of Dead have recently been gallivanting round some pyramids in Mexico
- Breakstuff have a framed photograph of Jason Reece in their front room
- Trail of Dead have opened their own corner shop selling t-shirts, autographs, cocktail recipes and kisses for hard cash.

HOSTILE TAKEOVER

Worried brows were afoot in Breakstuff HQ as laziness and lack of money meant the breakstuff.org domain lapsed ownership for a small time. Luckily Fred Durst's watchguards were snoozing on the job so they missed a chance to get one over us. HA HA. etc. Or did we bait them deliberately for a good story? Indeed, am I completely making this up? You'll have to wait for our memoirs.

OUCH!

Trail of Dead have been up to their old tricks, battering themselves senseless in the name of rock. The recent UK tour saw Neil get his face smashed in by some unruly thugs in Manchester and now we hear Jason has broken some ribs. Awww. Y'all get yourselves better soon now.

STUFF HAPPENS, BREAKSTUFF TOO BUSY TO NOTICE

Aye, there's a new single and there was a tour and it's all good. Another Morning Stoner is out NOW in the UK on two formats. the 7" has a hilarious FREE POSTER!!!. The cd has interactive gubbins like the video [featuring Neil throwing his bass at the breakstuff photographer] and some equally amusing desktop wallpaper. Songs from the recent Peel Session are used as b-sides. Go buy so they can break Top of the Pops one day. Breakstuff were partly in attendance at the Glasgow date of the tour but missed the rest due to having jobs. How un-rock'n'roll. Expect little in the way of updates here in the next while as we're moving to Breakstuff HQ. NONE of you can come visit. EVER.

TRAIL OF DEAD PLAN EXCITING STAGE SHOW

According to our spies Trail of Dead are planning a special and exciting new stage show. Fed up of being "the band that breaks stuff" they've been in secret rehearsals for an ambitious new visual performance. Apparently each member will have a solo spot to flaunt their unique talents. Conrad will be playing mournful epic baroque versions of Beatles songs on piano, Jason will be doing performance poetry involving blood and stabbing and Neil will be playing a selection of classic 70s rock tunes and dancing. Kevin is currently refusing to take part until Interscope relent and allow him do a medley of Broadway show tunes in costume.

NEW TRAIL OF DEAD ALBUM 'NOT BAD'
Oh aye, we got a copy of the new album 'Source Tags & Codes (Spelled Exactly This Way)' hot of the, er, presses and have been playing it regularly at Breakstuff HQ. Along with our copy we received a piece of paper suggesting words we might like to avoid using [Unwound, wailing, podgy, Durst, pies] and words we were encouraged to use [rockin', nifty, neat, rad, awesome, killer, epic, swoonsome, incandescent, bargain]. With this in mind we'd like to say the album is perfect. And rad.

If you don't believe us then ask these people as well: Pitchfork, Nude As The News, Neumu, Fiction Funhouse, PopMatters.

TRAIL OF DEAD BACK IN UK EARLIER THAN EXPECTED

"We'll be back in May", they kept saying, offering hugs and bottles of water to anyone who looked upset at their imminent return to America. Pah, I say, as they're actually back in April. Bunch of dates up already with spaces for a few more. Keep us posted if you hear of any more.

BREAKSTUFF 'NOT TELLING' WHAT HAPPENED ON RECENT UK TOUR

- The Interscope Corporation of America issued a gagging order
- Everything that took place was illegal
- We wouldn't dream of gossiping about such things
- We didn't actually bother going to any of the gigs
- It was all a dream

All possible reasons why we might not be telling you about the enormous white leather seated sleeperbus and all the happenings that took place in it, backstage and onstage during the recent tour. However, if you didn't spend the gigs throwing things at photographers then why not look at lots of nice pictures of the tour by David Geraghty, Tina McClelland and Bob at Underexposed. Nice work indeed.

update by Prof Break

BREAKSTUFF START STALKING BAND IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY

Not content with gatecrashing parties, annoying minor rock stars and being professional 'hanging outers' in the UK, breakstuff will finally be getting the chance to stalk TOD in a country where they all speak in funny accents and where it is believed TOD have what is called 'the home advantage'. Undeterred by this, Doctor Stuff is jetting off to Philadelphia with the sole intention of causing trouble, getting beat up by american bouncers and investigating what this 'making out' Americans talk about is. He will also be in talks about becoming Eileen Keely's main agent and representative in the rest of the world, and to determine exactly how many pies Fred Durst can eat in half an hour

He urges all the loyal US breakstuffers to be waiting outside the venue with gifts and offers of potential trouble. He will be allotting around 20 minutes to meet his people and expects there to be 'some shit going down' afterwards. Doctor Stuff can be contacted HERE if you expect to be knowledgeable about the 'shit'.

If he comes back saying 'RAD!' and 'DUDE!' he will be excommunicated from breakstuff. Don't let it happen kids.

update by Doctor Stuff

BREAKSTUFF UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

There's been some strange goings-on recently. Firstly the Interscope Corporation of America made Breakstuff their 'favorite fan site' against Fred Durst's express wishes. Rumours abound that the Breakstuff Organisation was then offered a million dollar buyout if they would cease printing made up stories and having a laugh at Fred Durst's expense. As far as can be ascertained this offer was rejected. Since then we have heard nothing from previous Breakstuff crime partners GrislyWing and SuperFang. A hurriedly scrawled note was found at Breakstuff HQ which merely said. 'Legs broken, leaving country, good luck'. However we don't see any reason for alarm.

A meeting between the Breakstuff Organisation and the Interscope Corporation of America then took place and appointed two new leaders, chosen for their respectability and massive brain power. Professor Break is well known in the field and teaches a course in 'Trouble and Destruction' at a small town university. Doctor Stuff has a doctorate in Stuff and has written numerous journal articles on the subject. We'll be continuing to supply you with the latest information on whatever it is we do here. Apparently we're off to London and Nottingham in a couple of weeks for some kind of do. Lovely.

update by Prof Break